You are not going to believe this one....
Ok. Those of you who have read my blog before are going to shake your heads when you read what I have been up to.
Thursday when I got home from work Hawk called me. We talked for 3 1/2 hours. He told me what he says is the reason that he keeps backing off. I tend to believe him, but then I am biased. Here goes... He says that for 30+ years he has been looking for the perfect sub. He has become so focused on the hunt, that now that he has found the perfect one, he is asking himself "what now?" For so long the hunt is all he has known.... Sounds plausible to me, although I know Hawk and you don't, so you might not be as ready to believe him. I went out to the farm on Friday for a few hours and we had a great time just hanging out, watching TV and talking... I went back on Saturday, and we did the same. He has told me he loves me, and that even though I "scare" him, (I can't imagine him being scared of anything) he wants me in his life permanently. That is a big step for Hawk, just saying that...
I know, you all are thinking it will be just the same as it was before, and maybe it will, I don't know... His form of D/s is more like Master/slave, than Dominant/submissive. It is not something that is just occasional "scenes" in the bedroom and then shut off. He is very formal... And I really like that about him. For me, it is the submission, not the kinky sex that I am looking for... And this relationship fits me perfectly, except the time we spend apart. With his job, and my 7 day a week job, it is hard to get together most of the time. He has talked about me eventually moving in, but THAT is what scares me... I need my own space. Maybe eventually that will happen, but not for a long time....
He has talked about a "formal" collaring ceremony... With a close friend of his "officiating"... Like I said, he is formal, and this is a lifestyle for him, not just scenes... Very intense...
I'm sure there will be some interesting comments on this one... Or I hope so anyway, if you all haven't stopped reading because of my absence lately... I have been working nights, and getting no sleep, and things have been SOOO hectic.... I haven't touched the computer in days... I have spent the weekend trying to figure out what I was going to tell you all...You all are friends, you know more about some parts of my life than anyone else, and I value your opinions... Although you know I will make up my own mind in the end....lol
Hawk is my addiction... My obsession... I love him more than any adult on the planet (only my kids come before him) and I have felt this way since the first time I went out with him, 4-10-01. No one else is ever going to be enough...
Thursday when I got home from work Hawk called me. We talked for 3 1/2 hours. He told me what he says is the reason that he keeps backing off. I tend to believe him, but then I am biased. Here goes... He says that for 30+ years he has been looking for the perfect sub. He has become so focused on the hunt, that now that he has found the perfect one, he is asking himself "what now?" For so long the hunt is all he has known.... Sounds plausible to me, although I know Hawk and you don't, so you might not be as ready to believe him. I went out to the farm on Friday for a few hours and we had a great time just hanging out, watching TV and talking... I went back on Saturday, and we did the same. He has told me he loves me, and that even though I "scare" him, (I can't imagine him being scared of anything) he wants me in his life permanently. That is a big step for Hawk, just saying that...
I know, you all are thinking it will be just the same as it was before, and maybe it will, I don't know... His form of D/s is more like Master/slave, than Dominant/submissive. It is not something that is just occasional "scenes" in the bedroom and then shut off. He is very formal... And I really like that about him. For me, it is the submission, not the kinky sex that I am looking for... And this relationship fits me perfectly, except the time we spend apart. With his job, and my 7 day a week job, it is hard to get together most of the time. He has talked about me eventually moving in, but THAT is what scares me... I need my own space. Maybe eventually that will happen, but not for a long time....
He has talked about a "formal" collaring ceremony... With a close friend of his "officiating"... Like I said, he is formal, and this is a lifestyle for him, not just scenes... Very intense...
I'm sure there will be some interesting comments on this one... Or I hope so anyway, if you all haven't stopped reading because of my absence lately... I have been working nights, and getting no sleep, and things have been SOOO hectic.... I haven't touched the computer in days... I have spent the weekend trying to figure out what I was going to tell you all...You all are friends, you know more about some parts of my life than anyone else, and I value your opinions... Although you know I will make up my own mind in the end....lol
Hawk is my addiction... My obsession... I love him more than any adult on the planet (only my kids come before him) and I have felt this way since the first time I went out with him, 4-10-01. No one else is ever going to be enough...
4 Comments:
Thank you, guys, that really means a lot to me... I'm glad someone is out there on my side...
And believe me, I know all the doubts you have, and I have them too... but I am going into it this time knowing what to expect, instead of setting my expectations way too high... I know he has a very busy schedule, and so do I, so not seeing him for a while is something I will have to deal with... but he loves me, and he is not the type of man to tell me that if it isn't true... he is famous for saying exactly what he thinks and feels... I just can't expect conventional things from an unconventional relationship... but I can't settle for a "normal" relationship, either... I just get too bored with what the general public terms normal...
Anyway, I love him, and he loves me, so we will both work at making it work...
Oh, and Diane... I can just imagine what that big paragraph might have said,(I was actually expecting it from you, of all people....LOL) So don't feel you have to hold back any opinion or feeling from me here... I like to hear all points of view, there might be some I haven't thought of yet... drop me a email if you want...
No, I don't, Patrick, but I liked it and thought maybe those that read my blog would too....
Hmm... maybe we are related...LOL...;-)
Thanks for your visit to my little corner of the blog world. I hope things work out for you. I'm looking forward to taking a peek at the rest of your blog.
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